I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
