I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
