Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
