I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
