My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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