I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
