I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
