Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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