how hairy? two words: wookie tits
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
