you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I can't trust your balls anymore.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
