You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
