apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
