made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
