my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
