i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
