so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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