So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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