Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Drake has all the answers
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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