i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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