I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
