Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
the day after is always just damage control
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
