If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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