goodnight i made you a song goodbye
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
