She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
