He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
