wat bout pragnant strippers??
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
did i just pee glitter
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
