You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
