I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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