So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
