But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
