If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
We named our party play list daddy issues
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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