I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
