I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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