think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
