i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
