I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
