I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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