Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
