so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
