having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
