dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
