I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
