my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
