I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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