yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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