I looked at my own cervix.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
