My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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