i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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