Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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