Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
