He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
