Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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