i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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