Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
