this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
