he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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