I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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