We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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