U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
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