New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
