party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
