My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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