Your mouth is God's brothel.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
