oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
